so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
