dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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