i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
