the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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