next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
