i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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