soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
