You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
