Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
