...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
