I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
