when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How naked do you want me to be?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
