Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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