theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Princesses don't give blow jobs
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
