Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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