Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
