Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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