Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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