ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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