Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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