WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
porn star boner night. come get it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The air was thick with penises
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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