I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
