By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
