dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize