I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
