I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
