pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
