Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
