I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize