im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
