I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
