I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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