I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
