I CAN MOONWALK!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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