she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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