chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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