Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
