Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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