My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
