Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
