Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
