I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize