he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
