Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
