so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You can't special order awesome
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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