my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
