Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
