put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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