I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize