so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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