I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize