So drunk its hurt
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize