We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
