you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
