U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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