so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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