chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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