lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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