Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he puts the penis in happiness.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
