Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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