Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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