go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
