And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
