Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
