I hate your face
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize