i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
