You can't motorboat a personality
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
