C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Floor bacon is actually really good
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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