Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
