As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize