the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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