and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
