he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
