Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
